All the Feels Read online

  “Thank you, Xander, I—”

  But before she could take the bottle, the people at the table moved aside and Liv found herself staring into the very bright, very blue eyes of Tom Grander. He smiled his million-dollar smile. In that moment, Liv’s legs stopped functioning. For several long seconds, she just stared.

  He was beautiful. Perfect. Unreal.

  “You’re up,” Xander said, nudging her forward. “Move.”

  “Hi there!” Tom boomed. He gave another wide smile. “So glad you could come out to say hi!”

  She opened her mouth, but nothing would come out. For a crazy split second, she thought she was going to cry.

  “I’m Tom,” he said warmly, offering her his hand. She shook it with icy fingers, and he released her hand at once.

  “This is Liv’s first con,” Xander said.

  “Well, I’m glad you could make it,” Tom said. “It’s always great to meet my fans.”

  His eyes flicked to the person behind her. They were almost done, Liv realized. Almost done and she hadn’t said a thing! She took a wheezing breath, and suddenly all the things she’d felt, thought, and dreamed of came tumbling from her mouth.

  “Mr. Grander, it’s such an incredible honor to meet you.”

  Tom’s gaze returned to Liv, his smile widening. “Thanks!”

  “I’ve been a fan for years. A decade, actually. I saw the first Starveil movie with my dad when it first came out, and I’ve seen every one since then. Your character—Captain Spartan—is more than just a character to me. He’s my hero. I’ve wanted to meet you for years and…”

  Minutes before, Liv hadn’t been able to speak. Now she couldn’t stop. It was like a bottle of champagne had been shaken, then uncorked. Every emotion—bottled for the last ten years—released.

  “When your character died, I realized I just couldn’t let you go. There was no way Spartan could be dead! It was impossible. I couldn’t bear the heartbreak.”

  In the last seconds, Tom’s face had taken on the pained expression of a weary parent dealing with a hyperactive child who’d just eaten an entire bag of candy. “That’s great,” he mumbled. But Liv coulcouldn’t stop.

  “I started a post about Spartan’s death—a challenge to fans everywhere. And before I knew it, people all over the world were making things. They were bringing you back from the dead through videos, stories, manips…”

  Tom looked up at Xander, the cocky self-assurance switching to anxiety.

  “And I’m just so glad you’re here at Dragon Con. I’m so glad to meet you,” Liv said. “You’ve been part of my life forever. You’re this link to my childhood, to my dad. My hopes and dreams. And I hope you realize everything you mean to me.”

  Her monologue stopped as quickly as it had started. The bottle was empty, all her words splattered on the table between them. She took a shaky breath, the moment of self-admission leaving her drunk on emotion.

  Tom Grander leaned back in his chair. His eyes narrowed. “Are you telling me you’re the person behind Spartan Survived?”

  “Y-yes! That’s me! I came up with it!”

  “And you,” he said, pointing at Xander. “You’re the guy in the video, aren’t you?”

  “I was just the hired help,” Xander said, lifting his hands. “Starveil’s not my thing. No offense.”

  Tom scowled at Xander before turning the same reproachful look on Liv. “Well, excuse me if I don’t say thank you.” His tone was venomous.

  “Wh-what?” Liv choked.

  Tom’s face twisted in disgust. “You caused a hell of a lot of trouble for me,” he growled. “More than you probably know. I’m just surprised you had the gall to come up here and rub it in my face.”

  Liv made a sound—a sudden exhalation—like she’d been punched in the stomach.

  Xander’s head bobbed. “Pardon me?”

  “I—I…” Liv’s tongue was in knots.

  Tom stood up, his chair screeching behind him. “You and your boyfriend should’ve left well enough alone,” he snarled. “I worked for years to get out of that contract, and I finally thought I’d done it, but you had to throw a wrench into the whole goddamned thing!”

  “But I thought—”

  “No one needed your interfering!”

  “But … but Spartan died.”

  “And I wanted him to STAY dead!”

  With a muttered curse, Tom stormed away, leaving Liv, and the long line of people behind her, staring after him. Liv swallowed against the stone in her throat. Her eyes burned, her ears rang. Xander stood beside her, whey-faced and silent. He, too, seemed shocked by the tirade.

  “Oh my God,” the woman behind Liv gasped. “Tom Grander just left!”

  “Why?” someone asked.

  “I don’t know. He started shouting and—”

  “About what?”

  “Something about Spartan.”

  “What did she say?!”

  “Who is she?”

  Liv froze in place, tears blurring the room as the line shattered and disappeared.

  Xander leaned in so his words reached Liv’s ears, no farther. “Tom Grander’s an A-list prick.” His hands rose protectively to Liv’s shoulders. “You didn’t deserve that, dearest. Grander never should have said those things. What you did was—”

  But Liv couldn’t bear to hear any more. Tom Grander hated her! With a cry of pain, she tore away from Xander and sprinted from the room.

  * * *

  * * *

  Liv was in the back corner of the High Velocity lounge when Xander found her. She huddled over the table, hoping she’d wiped the worst of her tears away with the napkins a sympathetic waitress had brought her. Xander flounced in like an irritable viscount, clapping his hands and demanding to know where Liv was.

  “Over here,” she said wearily.

  Xander strode past the bar—already busy at one thirty in the afternoon—joining her at the napkin-strewn table. Liv felt a new wave of tears threatening to fall the moment she saw the worry on his face.

  “He’s a fucker,” Xander announced in the same tone he’d use to tell the time of day. “A self-centered little twat with no sense of compassion whatsoever.” He slid onto the bench next to Liv, putting his arm around her. “Anyone as narrow-minded as Tom Grander ought to be culled from the herd, if you ask me. A job’s a job and an actor has one: entertain. Nothing else.” He rubbed circles on her back, and the small gesture left Liv weepy.

  “It was my fault.”

  “Hardly!” Xander snorted. “The man’s a pompous little toad! A buffoon unfit for any place except the bowels of a B-rated movie.”

  Liv sniffled.

  “I was not impressed by that behavior,” Xander added. “And he should not have done that to you. Pigeon-livered bastard. Rapscallion!”

  “He’s not.”

  “He most certainly is,” Xander argued. “For God’s sake, Liv, you brought the guy back into the hearts of thousands. And if rumors are right, Mike R. Miles is planning to relaunch Grander’s career. If anything, he owes you.”

  Liv shook her head. “Tom Grander wanted Spartan dead.”

  “But why?”

  “I don’t know, but he did.”

  Xander’s face set in grim lines. “Look. Tom Grander can say whatever the hell he wants. He’s a dick. But the truth is, a movie serves its fans, not the actors. If the fans want Spartan alive, they get him alive. Their opinion is the only one that matters.”

  “I dunno.” Liv shook her head, too tired to argue.

  “C’mon,” Xander said, more gently now. “Grander isn’t the only person we came to see.” He stood up, offering Liv his arm. “Let’s go cheer ourselves up by waiting in a line for an hour.”

  “You know how to sell it.” Liv laughed, though it had a weary sound.

  “I promised you the entire Dragon Con experience, and that means more than one run-in with a self-centered actor. This is your first con, Liv. This event was made for people like you.” His voic
e dropped. “For people like me, too.”

  “All right. I’ll go.” Liv gathered her badge and left the payment on the table next to her bill. “Thanks for coming to find me.”

  Xander smiled and pulled her into a tight hug. “It wasn’t even a question, dearest.”

  Liv nodded, wondering why she felt like crying again.

  * * *

  Xander insisted that Friday’s agenda was “Cheer Liv Up.”

  “That’s stupid,” she said. “You should go to the panels you planned. I’ll go up to the room.”

  “Absolutely not!” Xander held out his hand, and Liv placed her fingers in his. “You’re here for the ambience and experience, dearest. And that’s what you’re going to get!”

  Arm in arm, they did a promenade of the Marriott. Xander shifted into his BBC voice, doing a running commentary on the various specimens of con life. He pointed to a female Han Solo.

  “Here we have the delightful Rule sixty-three cosplayer, decrying assigned gender roles and displaying an aptitude for tongue-in-cheek reference.”

  Liv leaned her head against Xander’s shoulder. “I think her Prince Leia partner makes that cosplay.”

  Xander winked. “Agreed. And if you’re ever in the mood, Liv, I’d be happy to play accessory to your cosplay.”

  His thumb brushed her knuckles distractedly, and she dropped his gaze. “Someday, but not today.” But she grinned as she said it.

  The next item on the “Cheer Liv Up” agenda was a visit to the Peachtree Mall for a fast-food extravaganza. Liv stared at the teeming lines with openmouthed wonder.

  “Maybe I’m not that hungry after all.”

  “Pfft. Let’s go.”

  Xander put his hand on Liv’s back, guiding her forward, and Liv bit the inside of her cheek to keep from grinning. When had that become their normal?

  “Over there,” Xander said. “I see just the place!”

  “Where?”

  “Keep walking. Tell me when you notice.”

  Liv laughed aloud as the sign came into view. She spun around and threw her arms over Xander’s shoulders, hugging him. “Chinese food!”

  “And fortune cookies.” He stepped into a line that was at least half a block long. “The wait is quite atrocious, but I can assure you that the food is fresher this week than any other week of the year.”

  When they sat at the table, Xander held out his cookie for her. “Together?” he asked.

  Liv took his hand, but she couldn’t focus on a question. All she could think about was how his fingers felt around hers, and what it would feel like if he were to touch her arm, her cheek, her—

  “Liv…? Still there, dearest.”

  Face burning, she opened her eyes to find Xander looking at her, a lopsided grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. For a second, she thought he’d make a joke of it, but he said nothing.

  “Sorry. Got distracted.”

  “I figured.”

  “I’m ready now,” she said. “Let’s break this in three … two … one…”

  They pressed down on the cookie, and it crumbled between them. Liv snatched up the slip of paper before Xander could reach it.

  “If you keep waiting for the perfect moment,” Liv read, “you’ll never see it arrive.”

  Xander chuckled. “Don’t think you’re in any danger of that.”

  She looked up. “What do you mean?”

  He plucked the piece of paper from her fingers and tucked it into his lapel pocket. “You already live in the moment, dearest. I’m the one who needs the reminder.”

  Liv wanted to ask what he meant, but Xander was already excitedly discussing their next event of the day. They attended two panels: one for Sherlock, another for Supernatural. With both, the die-hard fans arrived so early the lineups were down the street. Lines, Liv decided, were just part of the Dragon Con package, and she spent her time laughing with Xander while fielding Joanne and Brian’s barrage of messages.

  @JoesWoes: @LivOutLoud Liv, you’re coming to the Starveil panel right?

  @LivOutLoud: @JoesWoes Um … Maybe. Not sure.

  @StarveilBrian1981: @LivOutLoud @JoesWoes YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE PANEL! There’s going to be a big announcement. You HAVE to be there!

  @LivOutLoud: @StarveilBrian1981 I’ll try, Brian.

  @JoesWoes: @LivOutLoud I’m gonna let Captain Spartan answer that for me: “Trying is for fools. Rebels just do!” I’ll hold your place. Okay, Liv?

  @LivOutLoud: @JoesWoes:>S Thanks.

  Given Tom’s behavior, Liv wasn’t sure whether she would go to the Starveil panel, but there was still time to decide. The Starveil panel, and MRM’s much-anticipated announcement, wasn’t happening until Saturday.

  By the time they left the second panel, Liv’s feet were swollen, her clothes creased and sweaty. It had been less than eight hours since she woke, but with the crowds, she already felt like she needed a shower.

  “I need something that doesn’t smell like other people,” Liv said, sniffing her sleeve and wrinkling her nose in disgust. “You mind if we head up to the room for a bit?”

  “Not at all … I’ve got another outfit to display.”

  “You would,” she said with a weary laugh.

  Xander’s costume closet was a Mary Poppins-esque carpetbag of options. Liv wished she’d brought half as many, if only to deal with the need to change more than once a day. The two of them headed to the elevators, intent on cleaning up before they went out in search of supper. When the elevator doors opened, Liv found herself face-to-face with the Starveil crowd on its way to the atrium.

  “Liv!” Joanne shouted, pulling her into a hug. “I was hoping I’d run into you. Where have you been hiding, hon?”

  “Nowhere. Just busy.”

  “Isn’t that the truth. But you’re here now, and I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Joanne said. “There’s a rib place a few blocks away. Start walking toward the Sheraton; you can’t miss it. The Starveil crowd’s meeting there for dinner. You’ve got to come!”

  “Sounds good,” Liv said with a smile. “I’d love to see everyone.” She turned. “Do you mind if I ditch you for a bit, Xander?” Joe followed her line of sight, and her eyes widened into saucers.

  “Holy SHIT! You’re the guy who played Major Malloy in the Spartan Survived fanvids, aren’t you!” She grabbed his hand, pumping it energetically. “It’s so fantastic to meet a fellow Starveil fan!”

  Xander pulled his fingers out of her grip and wiped his hands on his silk pocket handkerchief. “I’m no Starveil fanboy, madame. I’m just a common man’s actor.”

  Joanne’s grin grew ravenous. “Common my foot! You were fantastic in that vid. Liv, did you…?” Impossibly, Joe’s eyes seemed to grow even bigger. It seemed for a moment they might pop entirely out of her round face. “Oh my God, Liv—you did it! YOU! You’re Spartan Survived, aren’t you?!” she screamed. People around them turned in surprise, and Liv felt the blood drain from her cheeks.

  “I should have KNOWN!” Joe shrieked. “I told Brian the vidding style was familiar! I knew it was that behind-the-scenes footage he’d ripped. It was you all along! I can’t believe it, Liv! That was YOU!”

  She grabbed Xander’s arm and pulled him against the wide curve of her bosom, hugging him with the sticky-fingered stranglehold of a child embracing an unhappy cat. Tug as Xander might, he couldn’t get away a second time.

  “Bring your friend Malloy along, too!” Joe insisted.

  “It’s Xander,” he hissed as he tried to wriggle free.

  “Malloy has to come with us, Liv. He HAS to! I won’t take no for an answer. Come! COME!”

  Liv caught sight of Xander’s tight jaw as he finally extricated himself from Joe’s steely grip by peeling her sausage fingers back one by one. He stepped back to inspect the condition of his coat.

  “I’ll definitely come along,” Liv said, grinning. “But Xander might not want to—”

  “But everyone’s going to want to meet him, too!” Joe c
rowed. “The group of us are the heart of fandom!” She pointed at Xander, and he retreated another step. “You have to be there, Malloy! Besides, we’ve got to get ready for tomorrow’s Starveil panel. Figure out who is going to ask what.”

  “Joe, I’ll come, but I don’t think—”

  “So it’s settled,” Joe said, brushing past them. “I’ll see the two of you in an hour or so. Just head toward the Sheraton! Like I said: a rib place. You can’t miss it.”

  She disappeared into the crowd. The up elevator had already left, and a new group of people waited by the doors. Xander checked his reflection in the mirrored panels, the muscle in his jaw twitching like a cat’s tail. He smoothed his hands over his coat’s lapels and tugged the edge of his cuffs below the sleeves.

  “Your friend Joanne is unpleasantly pushy. I thought I was going to have to start screaming for assistance.”

  Liv laughed. “Now that I would’ve paid to see.”

  Xander’s annoyed expression transformed into an impish grin. “And would you have saved me?”

  “Of course I would.” She tried to keep a straight face but couldn’t keep from giggling. “You’re not the only one who can save the day, you know.”

  He leaned forward, lifting an eyebrow. “And how, pray tell, would you have saved me, dearest?”

  “I would have come up with something. But I’d expect you to pay me back for my heroic actions, seeing that I’d saved you from Joe’s attentions and all.”

  Xander smirked. “Oh, I would … And it would be delicious, I promise.”

  Liv laughed and turned away, wondering just how red her face had grown. The bell for the next elevator rang, and both Liv and Xander rushed forward, eager to take their spots. Xander lolled against the glass, indifferent to the crowd, but Liv froze. The entire structure seemed poised to explode, the doors pinching her backside as they closed. She squeaked and pressed closer to Xander, and he slid his arms around her. If not for the thirty other people crammed into a space meant for ten, Liv would’ve found the embrace exciting. As it was, the intimacy was overshadowed by a growing sense of panic. She pushed her forehead against Xander’s neck, refusing to look out the glass wall as the floor fell away beneath them. She felt, rather than saw, Xander brush her hair back behind her ear.